Fatty Jenks Arrested for DUI

#Stunning

Providence Journal-  Red Sox pitcher Bobby Jenks was arrested early Friday morning and charged with five traffic violations, four of which are related to driving under the influence.

Jenks was arrested at 12:24 a.m., according to the Lee County sherriff’s report, and charged with one count of driving under the influence; three counts of driving under the influence and damage to property; and one count of leaving the scene of a crash involving damage to property.

Jenks, who signed as a free agent with the Red Sox a year ago, was expected to miss the first half of the season after an offseason in which he underwent two back surgeries, the first of which caused leaked spinal fluid that caused an infection in his spine.

Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine had just been notified of the arrest about 10 minutes before he met with reporters, and so he had no comment.

According to the report, Jenks was pulled over in a white Mercedes-Benz SUV shortly before midnight near the intersection of Colonial Boulevard and U.S. 41 in Fort Myers. The car had been observed to have “exited the roadway at an unsafe speed, causing the vehicle’s weight to shift drastically.” The car then swerved across all three southbound lanes of traffic on U.S. 41 and drove up on the sidewalk.

When Jenks was asked if he knew why he had been pulled over, he said, “Probably because I was all over the road back there.” When he was asked why that was the case, Jenks said, “Because I took to(o) many muscle relaxers.” Jenks, according to the report, was “shaking uncontrollably and he had a difficult time speaking.” Paramedics were summoned at that time.

While the paramedics were on the scene, Jenks said, “I’m going to be honest with you: I was just leaving Babes because I hit a car. I just had to get out of there.”

Babes is a strip club in Fort Myers that is located 2 1/2 miles from where Jenks was pulled over.

Officers then found a small amount of damage to the bumper of Jenks’ vehicle. Jenks submitted to field sobriety tests, saying, “I’m going to fail it.” Officers had not even completed going through the exercises when Jenks said, “I’m messed up.” He was placed under arrest at that point. 

Hysterical. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand the athlete/celebrity DUI. Jenks is set to make $6 million this season, so why not call a cab and avoid all this. Incidents like this wouldn’t happen if the Sox were still allowed to drink in the clubhouse. This DUI is on you Valentine.

P.S  Jenks’s “Im messed up”  quote is an instant classic.

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